Relapse

I feel quite foolish, I have to admit. My emotions got control of me a few days ago, and it wasn’t pretty.

It all started innocently enough. I was reading the paper on-line, just like I always do. I came across an article talking about the body that had been pulled from the Kenai River earlier that day. They didn’t know who it was, but said the man was roughly 40 years of age, and that he was being sent to the coroner’s in Anchorage for identification.

Now, a logical normal person would simply mutter to themselves “How horrible for that man’s family…” and move on to the next article in the paper.

But no – my Emotions immediately started yelling at me “Oh My God! That’s Him! He’s Dead! That’s why he’s not answering his phone! He’s Dead!”

I got myself so worked up about it I had to call my friend Katie to talk me back down to reality. She agreed with my logical side by saying that the odds of it actually being him were so low as to be almost impossible, but then also said that she could not say with 100 percent certainty that it was not him. There was that slim possibility that he had actually gone and drowned himself, either intentionally or accidentally.

She surprised me – twice over – by making a few suggestions.

First, she said I should do a drive-by to assure myself that his truck was in fact parked in his driveway. She did stress that she was only advocating ONE drive-by, and that if I found myself doing another one that it would be a really bad thing. If I should find myself doing yet ANOTHER drive-by I should consider myself a stalker and get professional help immediately.

Then she advised me to call the cops! She said if I explained my situation, and told them that I just had a gut feeling that it was him, they could then assure me that it wasn’t.

Needless to say I did neither of those things. Instead I just waited a day – both to give myself time to find my own way back down to reality, and to see what the next day would bring.

It brought him.

He actually came to my house to drop off the key I’d asked for.

I cried for two hours after he left, but was at the same time so relieved to see him alive and well.

It’s a crazy mixed-up world I’m living in right now.