Universal Laws

Law of Mechanical Repair:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.



Law of the Workshop:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.



Law of probability:

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.



Law of the Telephone:

When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.



Law of the Alibi:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.



Variation Law:

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.



Bath Theorem:

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.



Law of Close Encounters:

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.



Law of the Result:

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.



Law of Biomechanics:

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.



Theatre Rule:

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.



Law of Coffee:

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.



Murphy's Law of Lockers:

If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.



Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering...are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.



Law of Location:

No matter where you go, there you are.



Law of Logical Argument:

Anything is possible... if you don't know what you are talking about.



Brown's Law:

If the shoe fits, it's ugly.



Oliver's Law:

A closed mouth gathers no feet.



Wilson's Law:

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.